I've had one of those days where I'm slamming head directly into the wall of motherhood. Don't get me wrong, I had an enchanted day with my girl - at an Earth Day celebration, at breakfast, while enjoying a picnic lunch, watching her roam a grassy knoll swinging her net at butterflies, and gardening with her. It wasn't those moments, but the ones where she talked..and talked..and dominated conversations..and continued. At times I felt like the Grinch ("oh the noise!") and at others I sat there beating myself up mentally for not absorbing her adorable stories. I know, we all have moments and that's why I'm here banging it out on my keyboard.
When my father talks to much I try to combat the chatter by being quiet - as if my silence has an ability to negate noise or balance the quota of words flinging through the air. Ben found us girls out in the patio while I was training my mother's climbing rose along our fence.
Ben: "Hi!"
Me: "Hey" (not breaking my stride)
We are momentarily quiet, drowned out by the constant chatter from Alex and her stuffed animal Greenie.
Ben: "You in a bad mood?"
Jen: "You know how I try to counteract noise with silence?"
He looks at her, and figures out quickly why I'm quiet and laughs. He turns around to go back in.
Jen: "By the way, you're on tonight. I'm going out by myself for one hour."
By the time I left tonight, Ben had Alex in bed and was trying to tell her stories to get her settled. She was still verbally bouncing off the walls, which made her physically kick herself out of the covers again and again. He looked at me and whispered "Oh My God!" For a hot moment, I misplaced the keys and sent a text to a friend saying that I was screwed. She knew my pain, seeing that she just returned from an hour of silent solo shopping. Having wine at her house was option #2.
I secured my keys within 2 minutes, headed out the door, and called my dear girl Karen in Indonesia. I told her about my stress, the talking, the noise, my lack of appreciation, and I was informed that Alex was suffering from "conversationitis". Karen laughed at me and informed me that it happens when kids think that they finally get the whole conversation bit and will have one with our without your participation. Lovely. Well, at least there's a name for it. Thanks Karen for the education. Moving on.
::
Easter was a rocking.
We had multiple egg hunts, grandparents, and handmade dresses to name a few of the highlights.
Alex would say that the dress I made for her was the best part.
The material was a seersucker weight material covered in a random bright floral. The bodice in this pattern won me over with it's petal detailing and material flower accent. And I finished the inside with a pink lining just because. I am reminded every time I complete a big project that I able. Zipper, no zipper - I got it - and I have a sense of humor and a sharp seam ripper just in case. Thanks Mom for giving me the skills and the confidence.
And as for Alex, I sense that she knows that handmade is special and that I love her with every stitch. It's the one time when I feel she's an old soul and just knows that it takes a lot of love. And it does. And I do love her so.
And even though I do have moments like today where I'm suffering, the are just that - a lapse in time and not a defining moment.
Alex is growing so quickly these days - and it's not just the matter of filling her drawers with larger sizes. No, it's the look.
She's maturing. I see it in her face.
Her look is of a girl, a kid.
Not so little.
Instead of running like an etherial fairy (with a little hop included), Alex can sprint along like one of the boys. She flits, she flees, she flies.
See, I needed this. I love her so. Regardless of the noise. - J
2 comments:
Love love love the Easter dress, but purple tutu and Adidas is second-fave.
You are all so gorgeous in the Easter pic!
Glad you got a brief respite. And if it's any consolation, we're in the "sprint from house toward road every 5 minutes" stage of independence-assertion.
LOL my friend, LOL. I feel your pain. And your joy.
Love the dress and the pictures. Keep up the good work.
xoxo
-kbh
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